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Down South to Dixie!

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction..."

Newton's 3rd Law of Motion...

...but Buffy's FIRST law of EVERYTHING

Buffy believes that this applies to EVERYTHING in life, not just physics and motion. This is not something that Buffy has consciously chosen to believe but what has somehow been etched into the workings of her autistic mind.


Being autistic means that she sees the world in black and white. Whenever something happens, she is also presented with the opposite side. She doesn't have a choice about it... But while it can be a nuisance and often very distressing, it has also taught her to appreciate BOTH sides of life, the GOOD and the BAD


However, life on Planet Earth often obscures the ability to accept both sides of life. People either ignore the existence of the opposite side, or often take it for granted.


While it is nice to always focus on the positive, nice, happy things in life it doesn't give you a true picture. Life isn't rosy and sweet 100% of the time. There will be pitfalls, there will be hard times. People are as bad as they are good and nobody is 100% perfect! My soul-mate sums this up very well... 

"Nobody is 100% perfect! Anyone who thinks that they are - that is the first thing that is wrong with them!!"

This is also where being autistic is a blessing for Buffy. She need to see life as a balanced picture, that way when something negative does happen she can at least half expect it. It has kept her on the straight-and-narrow. It has taught her the values of life and to accept what she is for better or worse.


Unfortunately, her family don't share "Buffy", or her autism, or respect her value of life. And some family members are only too happy to voice their disapproval of her values, especially when these values threaten their own self-image.


Because "Claire" wasn't allowed to maintain this "balance" within her human family, She again found herself at the major crossroad: Life or Death.


She chose life but, to keep the balance, there had to be an opposite...


Here are both halves of the story...

"Claire"

"Clair" was born in 1976. Right from the start she did not have the "bond" with her mother. Thankfully her dad was overjoyed at her arrival, and that is the way that it has stayed ever since. "Clair" is very close to her dad but finds it very difficult to have love for her mother. Sadly her mother is not the easiest person on the planet to love. On top of that there is a fair helping of jealousy added into the mix...

"Clair" found herself subjected to all kinds of rules and regulations. She has endured many years of Gaslighting. Everytime she raised questions about her behaviour she was accused of being an attention seeker. In the outside world she was always portrayed to others as "a happy, clever child who was advanced for her age" but behind closed doors she was consistently lied to patronised and abused, often enduring names like, imbecile, retard and simpleton.

Even today, she is still very much dictated to in respect of what she can and can't do. Nowadays though she has gained the strength to walk away has learnt a good range of non-verbal communication techniques but her childhood years were not at all pleasant...

On top of that she also misunderstood things a lot of the time. She can remember many times where she had "got the wrong end of the stick" and was punished for it!

One of the things she wasn't going to be was "disabled" in any way. Some members of her mother's side of the family has issues and her mother was determined that Claire was not going to go down that road. She fought tooth and nail to prevent anybody seeing Claire's weaknesses, even resorting to telling "fibs" if that's what it took.

However whether your child is born healthy or not is nature's choice not a human one. Claire's mother's resistance to accept her for what she truly is is what has torn Claire in half and has led to many of the issues she has today...

"Buffy" the Bunny Rabbit

Although Claire was only young, nothing "human" seemed to gel with her. She was attracted more to the names that she was reading in fairy-tale stories.


"Pet" names such as "Buffy", "Pepsi", "Trixie" or "Mitzi" also appealed to her far more than any "human" name did. Many of these came from Enid Blyton's short stories which I enjoyed as a child. I never took to stories with human characters such as the Famous Five series. I couldn't understand them, even when I was older.


"Buffy" comes from the popular children's TV series ,"Play School" The series ran in the UK from 1964 to 1988.


Like a lot of children's programs, Play School acquired quite a menagerie of pets the course of its existence. One of these was a rabbit called "Buffy", pictured above.


I don't know what it was that attracted me to the name "Buffy" but it somehow just seemed appropriate .


This provided the perfect opportunity for me to survive as a non-human on the inside but to still retain my human "outer shell". "Buffy" was the perfect name.


Little did I know how big a part of me "Buffy" would become...

"Buffy"

Although it is the "hidden" side of me - “Buffy” is the person hidden inside that "sumo suit". Buffy is the true side of me.


Buffy is autistic. She also has other disabilities - all neurological in nature. And in order for her to cope with all of these, things have to be kept simple. She must also keep things balanced both physically and mentally. Any disturbance of this causes a lot of anxiety and distress, and often results in both physical and mental pain.This means that it is important for her to remain balanced at all times.


If anything upsets this delicate balance, such as if she sees someone breaking rules or hurting someone else, or if people give her too many conflicting mixed messages, it causes a lot of pain and distress.


In Dixieland, Buffy does not have to worry about "embarrassing" anybody. She only has herself and her fellow Datsanas to answer to. And as these Datsanas never judge or criticise her, or make her feel bad about herself, she does not have to fear the punishments that she experienced as a child.


Since being diagnosed with autism, "Buffy" has started to show through more. "Buffy" still has a very strong mistrust and fear of humans. This has come from her childhood experiences, and from not having the ability to understand their intentions and motives.


On the occasions where Buffy does feel a little more confident around humans, she loves to help and support others, even if it is just to reassure them and to let them know "It's OK"...


Today Claire still exists in part, but only as a protective barrier to protect Buffy inside. Everything that has happened over the last 40 years Claire has bore the brunt of and whilst life is still very confusing and often painful, it has allowed Buffy to live the life she was born to live.